Clothed In Love



Mom made this dress for my first day of school last year.  The buckle is vintage.

Have you ever read Proverbs 31?  It tells about a wife of noble character.  The amazing woman described in the passage does many things, and one of the wonderful things she does is to clothe her family.  This reminds me so much of my Mom.  One of my earliest memories is hearing the whir of my Mom’s sewing machine and hearing the sharp click of her scissors as she cut the threads off of her latest project.  As a little girl, Mom made almost all of my clothes out of necessity.  Back then, I didn’t appreciate or understand how gifted she was at sewing, or how much love went in to every stitch that she made.  I was positive that when I grew up, I’d buy all my clothes at a fancy store- and I’d certainly never want anything homemade.

I am so thankful that after I grew up, I realized how unique and beautiful homemade clothing can be.  I didn’t appreciate Mom’s sewing as a child, but as an adult, I am in awe of her talent and generosity.


A sampling of the skirts that Mom has made for me this summer.

These days, my Mom makes almost all of the clothes that I wear.  The styles are often taken from vintage patterns from the 1950s.  Mom and I have so much fun visiting different fabric stores together and finding unique and fun prints for each outfit.  When I have on an outfit that she has made, I feel beautiful all day.


A 1950s style apron and dress.

I’m not quite sure that Mom realizes how talented she is or how special her handcrafted creations are to me.  I’m sure when she reads this blog, she will blush and say, “Oh my goodness!”.  Besides being a talented seamstress, my Mom is unfailingly modest and humble.  She inspires me to try and be a better person each day. No matter how busy she is, she always has time to listen to others and to give an encouraging word.


Besides making this cute skirt, Mom found this beautiful vintage necklace for me in a thrift store.

Many times, Mom will get requests to sew for profit.  She almost always will shy away from that, preferring to sew only for her family or for charity.  Her hands fly and her sewing machine hums as she stitches away, making beautiful clothing, quilts, and pillows.  She quite literally clothes us in love!



Hard Questions


As we sat at the table at Dairy Queen, Dad stared off into space somewhere over my left shoulder.  I held his hand across the table as I chattered happily and asked him questions that he could shake his head yes or no to.  Every once in awhile, he would focus his beautiful blue eyes on me and I’d catch a tiny glimpse of his old self.

Mom finally made it through the long line at the counter and came to join us at the table.  She noticed Dad was sliding down in his chair, so she and I helped him to sit up a little straighter.  It wasn’t long before chicken strip baskets and hot fudge sundaes were delivered to our table.

It had been Dad’s idea to come to Dairy Queen.  Mom had a spaghetti lunch fixed and almost on the table at home when he wrote down that he wanted to go to Dairy Queen.  Mom quickly stuck the spaghetti in the fridge and hurried to get ready.  Apparently, she wasn’t going fast enough for Dad, because he got her attention and pointed to the paper, where he had written “Dairy Queen” a second time.

After Mom quickly got herself ready, she helped Dad get ready, got his cane, loaded him in the car, called me to see if I could join them, and then drove the twenty-five minutes to Dairy Queen where I was waiting on them.

Since Dad hasn’t been able to swallow well, we had little hope that he would have a big meal.  But, since Dairy Queen was what he wished for, Dairy Queen was what he got.

After the food arrived at our table, it was much as we expected.  Dad got down very little of his food and we ended up throwing most of it away.  Even the tiniest bite of ice cream was hard for him to swallow.  I folded up a paper napkin and gently helped him wipe his mouth and face.  As I dabbed at a tear that had slipped out of the corner of his eye, I wondered- for the millionth time, “How can this be happening?”

How can my Daddy, who has always been so strong, so assertive, and so full of life and laughter, be so fragile, so pale, and remote?

How can my Daddy, who has beaten cancer, stood up to bullies twice his size, and nursed countless people back to health, be slipping away right before my very eyes?

Why can’t I save him from this awful disease?  Why haven’t I found a magic pill or a special diet that will turn everything around?

Hasn’t God heard my prayers?  Hasn’t he seen the thousands of tears that I’ve cried?  Couldn’t he hear me as I’ve begged and pleaded with him to please work a miracle and heal my Dad?

These are tough and real questions that deserve honest answers.

The key to these answers centers on the fact that God is in control.  As much as I may want to think that I am running the show called life, it’s really God who is calling the shots.  And, that’s really a very good thing.  It’s much better for all of us if I’m not responsible for the universe.  For confirmation that I’m not in control, I open my Bible to Job, Chapters 38 and 39, where God clearly explains to Job that man is not in charge. Here’s what Chapter 38 says.

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

“Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone—
while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?

“Who shut up the sea behind doors
    when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment
    and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
    and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
    here is where your proud waves halt’?

12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
    or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
    and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
    its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
    and their upraised arm is broken.

16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
    Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
    Tell me, if you know all this.

19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
    And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
    Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
    You have lived so many years!

22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
    or seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
    for days of war and battle?
24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
    or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
    and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no one lives,
    an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
    and make it sprout with grass?
28 Does the rain have a father?
    Who fathers the drops of dew?
29 From whose womb comes the ice?
    Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30 when the waters become hard as stone,
    when the surface of the deep is frozen?

31 “Can you bind the chains[b] of the Pleiades?
    Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons[c]
    or lead out the Bear[d] with its cubs?
33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
    Can you set up God’s[e] dominion over the earth?

34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds
    and cover yourself with a flood of water?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
    Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
36 Who gives the ibis wisdom[f]
    or gives the rooster understanding?[g]
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
    Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
    and the clods of earth stick together?

39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
    and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
    when its young cry out to God
    and wander about for lack of food?

Okay, well, that’s pretty clear.  I’m not in control.  But what about my tears?  Hasn’t God seen all the tears I’ve cried?  Once again, I turn to God’s Holy Word.  Psalm 56:8 says:
You (God) keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in Your bottle.  You have recorded each one in Your book.
So, God has not only seen every single tear that has slipped down my cheeks, but he has cared so much about them that he has collected those tears of unspeakable sadness and grief and kept a record of every single drop.
And there’s more!  He is not only watching me, but’s he’s also listening.  Psalm 55:17 says
17 Evening, morning and noon
    I cry out in distress,
    and he hears my voice.
From that verse, it sounds like I’m not the first person to ever cry out to God for help.
So, God is in control, He sees my tears, and hears my prayers.  But, will he help me?  In Psalm 73: 23 God tells us:
23 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
Isaiah 41:14 says
I will help you.  I am the Lord, your Redeemer.  
Psalm 16:8 says
I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.
and Matthew 11:28 says
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
I could keep listing scriptures where God promises to help me, but I think you get the idea.  God will help me.
Now, here’s the tricky part.
Because God promises to help me, does that mean He is going to work a miracle and restore my Dad to good health?
Well, He certainly could.  The Bible lists tons of examples of miracles.  But….and this is a BIG but.  Remember that part about God being in control?  No matter how much I might want God to work a miracle, and no matter how much I might believe that would be the best answer, I have to TRUST God and acknowledge that His plans are best.  (Refer back to Job 38-39 if you are faltering on this point.)
God’s plan for my Dad may be to take him home to Heaven.  Hard on me, but unspeakably brilliant for Dad!  The Bible tells us that Heaven is AMAZING!  There are no tears, sorrow, or pain in Heaven.  My Dad’s mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, and some cousins are all up there.
PLUS, we will come face to face with Jesus in Heaven! Can you imagine the joy?! So…. again, the Dad going to Heaven plan is brilliant for him, but hard for me.
Even though it is hard, when I truly stop and think about Dad in Heaven, with a new body, hugging all of his folks, talking with Jesus, and maybe even picking a tune or two on the streets of glory, it makes me smile.  I know that he’d MUCH rather be doing that than choking on ice cream at Dairy Queen.
Plus, I know that no matter how hard it might be for me to let my Daddy go up to Heaven, God will be with me.  Deuteronomy 31:8 says
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
and Joshua 1:9 tells me

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

The very best part of this whole story is that one day, Dad (and Mom!) and I will be together again.  Romans 10: 9-10 says

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

I accepted Jesus into my heart and became a Christian many years ago, so I have the assurance that one day, Dad and I will be together again.  We will laugh and talk and be together with God for all eternity.

All my friends and family being with Jesus for all eternity is the most wonderful thing I can think of.  We’d love it if you could be there to.  If you’ve never accepted Jesus into your heart, now is a perfect time.  You can do it right now, wherever you’re reading this.  It’s simple and it’s life-changing.

Just tell Jesus that you accept him as your Savior, that you believe He died on the cross to save you from your sins, and ask him to come into your heart.  You will be SO GLAD you did.

God is so good.  Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee a life without sorrow or pain, but it does guarantee you will NEVER be alone.  Romans 8: 38-39 says

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Being a Christian also means that one day, you will walk on the streets of glory along with Dad and I.  No one is guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth.  We could go today, tomorrow, or in ten years.  As Christians, whenever it is time for God to call us home, we know that we will be with him in Heaven. On that day, we hope to see you there!



In Shape


“You know, it’s almost spring.  You really need to start working out every day so you can get in shape for planting season.” my in-shape, husband Joey said.

“Mmmmm hmmm….” I mumbled back without looking up from the school materials I was looking over.  In my head, I thought to myself, “I have plenty of time to get ready for planting season….waaaaaaay more time than anyone could need to get in shape.”

Well, you can imagine where this is heading!  I spent the rest of the winter putting off exercising, and spring arrived faster than a bolt of lightning.  Before I knew it, I was sending my students out the schoolroom door and telling them to enjoy their spring break!

Despite the fact that I put off exercising all winter, I was pretty sure that I could just “wing it” for all the planting sessions that would be happening on our farm.  I would be helping to plant thousands of onions and hundreds of pounds of potatoes.  We would be doing all of this planting by hand, but did this bother me?  Naaah!

Planting began, and about halfway down the first row, I realized I had made a slight mistake.  By the end of the first row, I realized that things were not going to work out as I had planned.  “Winging it” had turned into trying to survive it.

As the rest of my family members passed me singing songs with cheery smiles (I am not kidding.), I had to face reality.  I had to admit it. Joey was right!  I should have gotten in shape!

I’d like to say that this year is the only year that this has happened, but I have to be truthful. This same scene replays itself almost every year!  Honestly, you’d think I’d learn my lesson!

The truth is, gardening season and I have a complicated relationship.  I love our farm, providing fresh produce for local folks, and helping others learn about becoming more self-sufficient.  I love watching my husband make hundreds of beautiful plants grow in the greenhouse and in the fields.  I love hearing him share his gardening knowledge with other folks.  He is truly amazing!  But, people always assume that I since I’m the farmer’s wife, I am also amazing at growing things and have hundreds of nifty garden tips.

Well, I’m here to tell you, that’s not exactly true.  Wanna learn how to do a vintage hairstyle?  I’m your gal!  Need to know how to make an angel food cake from scratch or how to churn butter?  That’s me!  Need to know something about how to teach in a modern one room schoolhouse?  I can fill you in!  Want to know the best way to keep your tomato plants up and going?  Ummm……we’d better ask Joey.

I am great at many things, but being a garden expert doesn’t exactly hit the top of my list.  Ya’ll, I have even killed aloe vera plants before.  True story.  Thank goodness for Joey!  But also, thank goodness for me.  Thank goodness for me?  Yes, for me!  Even though Joey is definitely the driving force behind our little farm, we work together to make things come alive.

He plans and directs, I (along with the rest of our family) help.  I send out emails, keep our farm Facebook page updated, and keep our website going.  He helps folks with gardening advice.  I help folks with vintage clothing advice.  Okay….so maybe that part about vintage clothing advice doesn’t happen very often, but I’m pretty sure that I have helped a couple of ladies figure out where to order vintage style dresses from.

My point is that it takes us both.  Even though I may have been out of shape for planting season…again…I did get some things planted and was a little bit of a help.  I guarantee if I asked Joey to update our website or send out a farm email to all our subscribers, he’d be a little out of shape in those two areas.  We each have been blessed with different gifts and when we work together, it makes everything work out just right.


Greenhouses and Gratefulness


The past couple of weeks have been full of surprises here on the farm.  As you know, last month we had a major crop loss when mice got into our greenhouse and devoured several of our crops. Through the generosity of family and friends, God blessed us with the financial means to buy more seeds and restart.  The mice alluded capture, but a good friend provided a temporary solution to keep our tender plants safe – stack the trays on top of slick sided pots.  Thankfully, this has worked well!  The little plants and herbs have been thriving, but….we ran out of room!  Usually, Joey does our spring planting in three rotations.  Once the first plants and herbs are old enough, he is able to move them out into a sun heated hoop house where they can start to get used to a little cooler temperature.  However, the crop failure forced us to plant two rotations at once.  There simply wasn’t enough room for all the trays.  There was only one solution – fire up the “little” greenhouse.

On our farm, all of our greenhouses and hoop houses are designed and built by Joey, using whatever materials he had on hand or that we were able to afford.  We have the “big” greenhouse, which is built off the back of Joey’s shop, and we have the “little” greenhouse, which is in our backyard.  I love the little greenhouse for so many reasons.  It was the first greenhouse that Joey ever built and almost all of it was built with materials he had on hand.  The little greenhouse has windows and doors that had been saved from remodeling jobs of the homes of various family members.  When we first started using the little greenhouse, our daughter, Elizabeth spent many hours “helping” Joey with the plants.  As a result, the walls are full of crayon markings and pictures that she drew when she was little.  When I walk into the little greenhouse, I can still picture Joey standing at his potting bench and Elizabeth sitting at his feet happily playing with a tub filled with potting soil, water, and rocks.

When we built the big greenhouse, the little greenhouse became a temporary place to hold extra plants.  Joey was thrilled to have the extra room and the nicer heater that the big greenhouse offered.  As the years went by, the little greenhouse began to look a little shabby.  It was built with untreated lumber and, predictably, it began to crumble a little.  Each year, Joey would talk about having to pull it down, and I would tearfully ask if we couldn’t keep it just a little longer.  Happily, he was always so busy that he never had time to tear it apart.  Plus, it kept coming in handy for the extra plant storage.

Fast forward to this week!  With the plants threatening to burst out of the big greenhouse, Joey had to do something – and fast!  He spent quite a while looking over the little greenhouse and then got to work.  He took out the old pot-bellied wood stove and gave it a good cleaning, replaced two windows that were cracked beyond repair, replaced boards, and braced up walls.  When he was all done, I was amazed!  The pot-bellied wood stove had a crackling fire going in it.  The handmade wooden shelves were clean and shining, and the little greenhouse lived again!

Once the temperature in the little greenhouse was warm enough, the whole family was enlisted to help get the plants from the big greenhouse to the little greenhouse.  Two vehicles ran back and forth between the greenhouses and you’ve never seen trays of plants move so quickly from one place to another!  The only downside to the little greenhouse is that Joey has to keep a constant check on the pot-bellied stove to make sure the temperature stays where it needs to.  Other than that, it is a fabulous surprise to have it up and going again.  Joey has warned me that all his repairs are only a temporary fix and that eventually, the little greenhouse will have to come down.  But, for now, I’m delighting in seeing it in use again and enjoying all the memories that it brings back.  I’m also thankful to see our little plants growing and thriving.  What a blessing!

Speaking of blessings, we were surprised this week to find notes of encouragement and donations to our farm from two different couples.  Both were left when we were not home and it was quite a wonderful shock to find these gifts.  Their encouraging words were further confirmation for us that we are on the right path.  Words can’t describe how much it means when someone cares enough to show their appreciation for our farm and family.  It is something that we will never forget.

In the next couple of weeks, we will continue planting, continue working, and continue praying.  We are so grateful for all that God has blessed us with and look forward to a wonderful spring season!

Where He Leads, I’ll Follow


“Dear Lord, what do we do now?  Please, please, please show us the path that you want us to take.” As I prayed these words one morning last week, I was reeling with the shock of the bad news that Joey had just given me.  He had just finished doing an early morning greenhouse check and to his horror, discovered that our entire pepper crop had been destroyed by mice.  It’s not unusual for a mouse or two to find its way into the greenhouse, but for an entire crop to be eaten was unheard of.  Yes, the loss of the peppers was quite a blow, but things were about to get worse.

That day, Joey prepared for war with the mice.  He set out traps and did all the usual things that we do to eliminate mice.  We prayed for the safety of the rest of our little plants and prayed that the mice would be caught.  The next morning, Joey went down to check the greenhouse.  The look on his face when he came back in the house was enough to tell me that there was trouble.  The news was bad.  The traps had not worked, and we had lost the entire tomato and eggplant crop.

Now, you all know that we take pride in our plants.  We buy excellent seed from reputable sources, which means that it’s not cheap. With the crop losses from last year, this had already been a tight year financially on the farm.  Now, not only were our new crops gone, but we had no money to replace the expensive seeds to try and start again.  We were so bewildered and confused.  Was God trying to lead us in a different direction?  Was this an attack from the enemy trying to destroy us?  Again, we joined hands and prayed for guidance.

We made our way to church that morning with heavy hearts.  As we found our way to our seats, I brushed past my mother-in-law who said, “You don’t look quite yourself this morning”.  In a whisper soft voice, I barely could choke out the words to tell her that all the crops were gone.

As Joey sat down, one of the ladies from our church pressed an envelope into his hand.  When we opened it, we saw it was a beautiful card for our upcoming anniversary.  When we looked inside the card, we were shocked to find that it contained money.  With that, I began to feel hot tears sliding down my face.  We filled our church members in on what had happened and they prayed with us and offered such wise words of counsel.  They all shared stories of hard and puzzling times that they had been through and told us that even though they didn’t know the answer to our problem, God did and that he would take care of us.  God used their support and encouragement to wrap us in a blanket of love and protection and by the time that the service ended, I was feeling much steadier.

That night, we got phone calls and texts offering help in replanting from many different church and community members.  The outpouring of support was tremendous, but even though we had willing workers, we didn’t have the means to replace the seeds.  At our evening prayer, we once again poured our hearts out to God, wondering what to do.  Did God have something in mind for us other than the farm?

The next day, we were approached by two different ladies, who each handed us folded up money and said that they just wanted to help out.  We were stunned.  Between the envelope that we had been given at church and these two ladies, we had the exact amount that we needed to replace the seeds.  We had never told anyone how much it would cost to replace the seeds and we had never told anyone that we didn’t have enough to replace the seeds.  This could only be from God.

Again, we prayed and Joey and I both felt that God was telling us to try again.  So, this week, Joey will go back into the greenhouse and dump out all those trays with broken plants and start fresh with tiny new seeds.  Life isn’t always easy.  It isn’t always fair.  It certainly doesn’t always make sense.  We are blessed to have new seeds and new potting soil, but we are immeasurably blessed to have a powerful God.  I can’t say for certain that the mice will stay away.  I can’t say for certain that everything will turn out perfectly.  But, I can absolutely, positively say that God is still in control.  Is His plan for us to keep farming?  We hope so.  We still don’t have all the answers or even everything we need to get through the whole season, but we do have hope, prayer, and a powerful God that we can call on at any time for guidance and direction.  We are walking in faith, taking baby steps.  Where He leads, we will follow.

Soldiering On


I was feeling restless this morning, so I began to pray and decided to read my Bible for a little while.  I randomly opened my Bible to the book of Proverbs and came upon Proverbs Chapter 24.  Several of the verses in that chapter jumped out at me and I wanted to share my thoughts about what those verses meant to me.  Before you read this, please know that I am far from being perfect and these thoughts apply to myself as much as anyone else.

As a Christian, my strength comes from the Lord.  I can grow in strength by reading my Bible, spending time in prayer, and keeping my mind pure by monitoring what I read, listen to, watch, and talk about.

The war Christians wage is against Satan and the powers of darkness.  There are many different “fronts” and battles being fought in this war.  Some are individual and personal, others are ones that we come alongside friends, family members, or even complete strangers to help them fight, and still others are ones that are on an even larger scale that affect our whole country or world.  Whatever the scale- private or world-wide- they are all against the same enemy- Satan.

Being a Christian is nothing to play at.  When you are called to fight, you must be prepared to place your trust in the Lord, even though the whole world may be shaking around you.

In these times, hold fast to your faith and to God.  “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small” (Proverbs 24:10)  We all reach a point where we have to decide, “Am I going to be bold and trust God, or am I going to lose faith and sink into despair?”.

“Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.”  (Proverbs 24:11) Reach out to your family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.  Pray for them and with them.  Be present.  Show up, even if you don’t feel like it.  Just the simple fact that someone cared enough to show up or make a phone call can be very meaningful in a time of grief or struggle.

“…for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.”  (Proverbs 24:6)  The word of God and the counsel of mature Christians are both excellent weapons in this war that we wage.

The battles may rage, but it is our job as Christians to hold the line and to hold up each other.  Never underestimate the power of praying, reading your Bible, and living your life in accordance with the Word of God.  And, always remember, that the battle may be fierce, but through Christ, the victory has already been won.

Get In Control


The past 12 months have brought some major changes for me.  I walked away from a dream school district and a dream job that I had spent several years and lots of money (that I still owe) getting certified for.  I stepped out in a major (for me) move of faith into an uncertain adventure that no one had ever tried before.  I planned, I prayed, I cried, I reasoned, and I tried to figure out how I could control an uncontrollable and unknown future.

About the same time as I was struggling with the idea of changing jobs, my dad began to seriously struggle with major health issues.  As an only child and a daddy’s girl, it made me ache to watch my once strong daddy, who could always pull himself up by his own bootstraps and fix anything, sink deeper and deeper away from himself.  I wanted to fix it, to help him.  I could feel him slipping, but my best efforts to help- going to doctor’s appointments with him and mom, encouraging him to take his prescribed medicines, having stern and serious talks, and crying many desperate tears into my pillow late at night didn’t seem to have any effect.

And then, there was my beloved husband, and the farm.  Joey works harder than any person I have ever met.  He has a heart of gold and is absolutely brilliant.  But, Joey has never been an inside “office job” kind of guy.  He thrives on being outside and working with his hands.  God has mightily blessed him with a talent for growing and nurturing all sorts of plants, trees, and berries.  He is an amazing farmer and he loves farming more than anything in the world.  All this is well and good, but the thing that was bothering me was money and supplies.  As anyone who has ever tried to run a small farm on a shoe string budget knows, farming income isn’t exactly certain.  Our last growing season seemed to be full of problems, from uncooperative weather, to needing more soil amendments, to equipment that kept breaking.  It was painful to see Joey trying so hard and not being able to make everything go smoothly for him.

I wanted to get quick answers to all these things that were heavy on my heart.  I needed to get things under control and know for certain that it was all going to turn out okay.  After all, I’m still fairly young (I think?), of basic intelligence, and I have my daddy’s “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” spirit.  Surely, I could think of a way to solve all these issues.

So, with all this sure and certain knowledge, I began to think hard.  I thought, and thought, and thought.  I thought early in the morning when I first work up.  I thought about it late at night into the early hours of the morning.  My mind raced around and around until my head felt like it was going to explode.  I asked other people for their ideas and solutions.  I looked up answers on the Internet.  I did everything I could think of, and when I had done all that, I prayed.

When I say that I prayed, I didn’t just say a causal prayer or two.  I mean that I really prayed.  I prayed in the morning when I first woke up.  I prayed late at night into the early hours of the morning.  I prayed until my head felt like it was going to explode.  I asked other people to pray for me and with me.  I prayed so hard that I felt like I was banging with both fists on the gates of heaven shouting and screaming to God to make things controllable.

Guess what?  He didn’t.  He listened to me and comforted me, but he did not let me have what I wanted, which was to be in control.  God found me lying there in a heap, outside heaven’s gates, worn out from crying and worrying and trying to fix everything all by myself.  He gently gathered me up in his arms and reminded me that it’s not my job to be in control.  He wiped away my tears and pried the worries about my job, my daddy, and my husband and farm out of my tightly clenched hands and said that he would take care of all that.

He reminded me that faith is believing that he is God and he is good and he is charge-over everything.  He is God.  He is good.  He is in charge over everything.  Those are powerful words and thoughts, and the best part is that they are true.

This is the part of the article where I am supposed to report that everything is completely wonderful and all my problems are gone.  They aren’t, but there has been quite a change.  That major leap of faith I made in changing jobs has been the most exciting and amazing thing I’ve ever done.  I still miss my old co-workers, but I’ve found that friendship doesn’t stop just because you don’t see each other every day.  As for my daddy, well, he has his ups and downs.  This week, it’s been more up than down, so that’s a blessing.  And, despite the hardships of last season, Joey has once again fired up the greenhouse this week and is working his magic with all the tiny seeds and plants.

The biggest change hasn’t been with my problems, it’s been with me.  Through all this, God has shown me that I’m not in charge, even if I sometimes try to pretend that I am. He is teaching me to appreciate each day, and sometimes even each moment.  When I start to falter and take control, I can turn to him and let him be in charge.  Life is uncertain, but all things are possible with God.